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Almost a holiday

It's almost thanksgiving and I find myself in no mood to celebrate. I have no desire to make a huge family meal, nor do I desire to attempt to be excited. I have no job so I have no money to buy the necessities for a big family dinner, oh and actually having a family dinner without half my kids isn't going to happen either. Let's start with the kids. My oldest son Matthew and his (big gulp and exaggerated sigh) wife won't speak to me. His wife is extremely controlling and if it's not her way she makes sure you're not allowed to be a part of her life, my son's life and my grandson is nothing more than a pawn. I'm only allowed to see my grandson when she wants/needs something from me. I cherish every minute I get with him but I'm honestly to the point where im going to refuse any future requests. I've literally done nothing to this woman to cause her to feel so entitled and I'm really pissed at my son that he allows her to treat me in this man...
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Figured it all out

So, time to be utterly honest with myself and the entire world. If I have any feelings or emotions I am expecting everyone to think and feel only my way and that my way is the only right way. Point taken, acknowledged and I fully intend to stop feeling anything about anyone anymore. I'm shutting down, sinking totally into myself and I'm going to run on auto pilot. These last couple week's Russ has fought with me a lot, and every time we argue he threatens to leave me. I guess he just needs to go, he needs to move on and find someone that isn't such a needy, having feelings kind of person. I'm totally not going to continue to try and be with someone who's first thought is to run away and leave. A long time ago I was told that I'm an insufferable bitch and that no one will ever love me because I can't be loved. I guess that is really honestly true. Let's revisit some of my relationships. My ex husband never loved me. He liked the idea of us in the be...
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Feeling important

Let me start by saying that as a woman in my late 40's I am very sexual. Sex to me is extremely important as well as physical contact and intimacy. As I have stated I love Russ very much and can't see a life without him. He has several intimacy issues that I'm just not sure I can live with much longer. He never hugs me, I hug him, he never grabs my hand, I grab his, he doesn't even actually kiss me, he pecks my lips. I love sex, he knows this, but he'll go week's without touching me. Im tired of being the one to always make a move and I'm tired of hearing all day that I just need to wait until we go to bed that night. That night never happens, and the few times he's flirted with me regarding sex he never follows through. He hasn't noticed that I've stopped trying to be sexual with him, he hasn't noticed that I've stopped touching him intimately and he hasn't noticed that I am genuinely upset and feel rejected. It's been over two w...
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Living up to expectations

I guess I should start by telling you a little bit about myself, my family and our lives. I'm Audrey, I have four sons, Matthew who is almost 25, married to Alyssa, and they have my grandson Landon, Travis who is 23 and engaged to Falicitie, who is supposedly pregnant, again, Brent who is 19, still I'm school to get his diploma so he can join the army and fulfill his lifelong dream, and my youngest Skylar who just turned 17 and came out to me as gay a few months ago. I am in a loving relationship with Russell and he has two children that live with us, Paytience is 8 and Russell Jr (who we just call junior) is 7. I was employed full time at my dream job until two weeks ago. My neurologist made me quit due to unexplained blackouts and seizures. Russell works for a towing company that provides services through AAA. He is basically on call 24/7. I live life daily with a myriad of health problems. I am totally unashamed to admit that I am bipolar, I have OCD, severe back issues fr...
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